Psalms 13:1-6 How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and every day have sorrow in my heart?………..But I trust in your unfailing love, my heart rejoices in your salvation. I will sing to the Lord for he has been good to me.
A while back, I had it out with my best friend. Typically when I get angry it is because things are not going the way that I would like for them to go. Or if it involves others, I don’t like the way they responded in a matter that was important to me. Or maybe I just get tired of them responding in a way that I don’t like and eventually have to say something about it. Sometimes I’m actually right, but often times it all comes back to perspective. Mine vs. theirs.
I’ll come clean here and just flat out tell you this friends name. Just get it out in the open. It was with God. Yep, God and I had it out over something that I didn’t so much like in how things were going.
I have to tell you it was cleansing. The openness and honesty that was involved was and has always been refreshing when we have these conversations. Sometimes I feel heard, sometimes not so much. I always know that like any friendship, my best friends focus is always with my best interest at heart. Ultimately I know He is listening.
For most of my life I didn’t have this close of a relationship with God, though I inwardly thought I did. In my early life spiritually, I saw God as this ruling figure. To get His approval I had to read the Bible every day, pray a certain way, be a servant, follow my spiritual leaders, etc. Looking back and honestly assessing where I was back then, I found that I’d pray, fast, and do other “spiritual” things because in my heart felt if I did, then I’d be blessed with good things in my life. It was actually a very legalistic relationship based on a list of rules and to do lists. When things would not go so well, then I had to be doing something wrong spiritually. Though I’d read it and even preached about it many times I really didn’t know what Galatians 5 meant when it said “It is for freedom that Christ came to set you free.” My life with Jesus wasn’t based on a real and true relationship. It was based on a set of rules and directed way of life.
That was until I experienced something that literally shook the foundation of everything that I believed. I went through a divorce. Without getting into the gory details, I tried everything that I could spiritually to save that marriage. Prayed, fasted, read scripture, increased my tithing…..I tried everything, but still it happened. Things were happening that were out of my control. What was going on?
As I began to put the pieces back together again in my life, I did some serious spiritual soul searching. While I never questioned my relationship with God, I did challenge and question every foundational belief that I had been taught or been led to believe. I began to see that my relationship with God was very real but misdirected. God was not my friend but some distant ruler. I was treating my relationship with God like a good luck charm. If I were to be totally honest with myself many of my spiritual actions were for selfish motives. Prayers, rather than seeking to find Gods plan for whatever I was praying for became prayers of manipulation to try to get God to do what I wanted and desired. Even public prayers I was asked to lead were not real prayers or conversations to God. They many times would end up being mini sermons. All so self focused.
Over the years since the divorce, God has become what I would now call my best friend. Someone that I can tell anything to. If I’m angry we can work it out. Best friends don’t always have smooth and easy relationships. Sometimes they struggle, have it out, have moments of distance from one another. But with best friends there is always this knowledge that you love and care for each other unconditionally. No strings attached. That you both have the best interest of the other at heart. They are someone you can trust. And more than anything, they have your back.
So my point here is what type of relationship do you have with God? If God is your best friend do you talk to Him like you do your best friend? When you pray is it always in nice sweet tones, or is it a real conversation? For years now, to help emphasize the reality of my relationship with God, I tend to pray with my eyes open. I don’t talk with my other friends with my eyes closed. We look each other in the eye and open up.
All throughout scripture you see prayers with honest relationships with God. David cries out to God in Psalms asking God why he seems so distant. I love reading the honest discussions that take place between Job and God. Or what about Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane crying out to God telling him he doesn’t want to drink from the cup that had been given him. What about when he is on the cross telling God he felt forsaken by him? These are not prayers showing a lack of faith, but men having real heart to heart discussions with God. I often catch myself just carrying on a conversation with God during the day as things happen. Sometimes people look at me like I’m crazy sounding as if I’m talking to myself, but hey, I don’t just talk to my best friends behind closed doors do I? God is with me every moment of the day so why not treat Him like he is?
I’ve found it is OK to have that honest conversation with God. Just like you would with your best friend. He loves us so deeply and unconditionally it is hard to conceive at times. But what I think He desires from us most is for us to be real with Him. To have a relationship with Him. Honest and open. He wants a relationship with us and not something that is based on rules or a hierarchy of any kind. The type of friendship that would lay down their life for the other. How would you treat a friend who would do that for you?
thanks friend. well said.